As an Amazon Affiliate, I earn from qualifying purchases. Your not consistent: If you are trying to escape a cycle but work on the escape once a week, then what progress do you really do? Do you ever wonder why you keep getting drawn into similar unfulfilling relationships? eval(ez_write_tag([[300,250],'emdrhealing_com-banner-1','ezslot_9',108,'0','0'])); Here is a brief summary of how Jackson Mackenzie sums up this issue as it relates to repeating patterns in a person’s life: This way of looking at things is especially useful for those who keep getting caught up in toxic relationships with personality disordered people – borderlines, psychopaths, sociopaths, narcissists – and other otherwise toxic or manipulative people. Just as bad as things are something else comes around its like can things get any worse. READ ON!! From reoccurring dreams and not so healthy life style patterns, to meeting similar friends or work colleagues in different environments, I found this all quite fascinating. Always seek the help of a qualified mental health professional before dealing with any kind of large scale trauma using EMDR or any other method. Have you noticed that some people are always broke? I was requested to answer this, and I think right now is the perfect time. Why past abuse makes one vulnerable to more abuse. Move, new job, new friends, new outlooks etc. It isn't always an easy thing to do, but it's imperative if we hope to reduce the number of bad things happening in our lives. We are putting every penny into the bills and our childrens needs, but we are still in a great deal of debt due to my childrens biological father. “Putting an extra layer (of mindfulness) around the Protector stops it being in charge” – Jackson Mackenzie. The Simpsons Season 18 Episode 20 Quotes. "Why is it always hard for me to find a job"? If that little thing keeps happening, it will eventually grow into a big situation. By doing this we can break dysfunctional hardwired patterns of relationships and learn to live in a way which is more self serving rather than self sabotaging. Why do the same things keep happening to me? They use the excuse that they do not want to focus on the little things. See our Mindfulness Resources page for lots of resources that can get you started with mindfulness meditation. Some people on the more materialistic or scientific end of the spectrum just want a simple down to earth explanation as to why patterns seem to repeat in their lives. Have you ever heard of the phrase, “Your point of view creates your reality?” What if that is a point of view you have? So, I am 29 and have more health problems than most and probably seen more doctors than most people twice my age. Let’s look at it a bit closer. The question as it is posed; I know I'm not the best person in the world, but why do bad things keep happening in my life?It seem like I just get over one crisis and another one occurs.. Continue browsing or click to consent, EMDR explained Part 2 (https://youtu.be/F2BaiQZtM4M). Some weird things have been happening to me recently. Your email address will not be published. Thankfully, through mindfulness, psychotherapy and other resources, we can learn to uncover this protective self and deal with any core wounding and shame that is lying underneath so we can return to living through our more authentic selves that makes decisions that ultimately lead to our growth, instead of repeating the same patterns over and over. However, once you forced your brain to see the good, they started to flow too. You have the right to feel wronged. The question as it is posed; I know I’m not the best person in the world, but why do bad things keep happening in my life?It seem like I just get over one crisis and another one occurs. When you shake things up good things can happen. This connects with what we just mentioned above regarding the core wound and the protector. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, or EMDR, can appear to be a very unusual form of therapy when people are first introduced to it. I keep wondering why so many bad things happen to me, especially because I strongly believe in "loving others as thyself." Bart: Hey Lis, wanna touch Strangles? Why defeatism cripples some people. This whole journey based on my curiosity around reoccurring lessons and patterns , drove me further into my spirituality and inner reflection. After any kind of deep trauma, such as rejection, abandonment, betrayal, or prolonged physical or emotional abuse, this viewpoint holds that the real self gets numbed or blocked out and replaced by a false, protective self. But if you do not recognize them and keep them in mind, you may be fooled into thinking that only bad things are happening to you. This is a therapy which uses eye movements or other forms of bilateral stimulation to effectively stimulate the mind/brain into processing unresolved trauma to resolution. It is a highly recommended therapy to look into for someone experiencing repeating life patterns which they suspect unresolved trauma may be driving. Why Do I Have This Belief? This compares favorably to other forms of therapy such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) in that it seeks to access and process trauma on it’s own terms rather than dealing with the symptoms of this trauma, be they dysfunctional beliefs, addictions, depression, anxiety and so on. This was an old version I was working on a few days ago. It’s how they’ve learnt to relate, often from an early age, so it’s the only thing they know.eval(ez_write_tag([[580,400],'emdrhealing_com-medrectangle-4','ezslot_5',117,'0','0'])); Perhaps their family members growing up were all of a certain disposition (angry, hostile, paranoid, abusive etc) and so this sets up a pattern of interaction (ambivalent, mistrustful, aggressive, non committal etc) which repeats into adulthood, simply because it is all they’ve ever known. I wanted to address this question in light of the fact that many people not only seem to have an occasional unfortunate incident in their lives, but reoccurring negative events. They can see the cycle and the pattern but can’t seem to break it. EMDR aims to pull trauma and by the root and as such can be considered to be a “depth” therapy as opposed to a surface one in that it aims to treat causes and not symptoms. 3 Reasons Why Couples Have the Same Fights Over and Over Couples' arguments are inevitable, but there are multiple ways to resolve them. Familiarity and perceived safety and comfort are key motivating factors for the way a lot of us behave. Lisa: (After touching the snake) Eww! Why do bad things keep happening to me? It's a question many of us have pondered for some time, "Why do the same things keep happening?". Do you ever wonder why you get reoccurring situations at your work place? I believe I know why. This is because the false or protective self is still in charge and making the decisions for them, which almost guarantees the repetition compulsion will repeat so the protector can justify it’s own existence and stay in charge. At the same time bad things started happening to me: for example I found myself having a stalker (he constantly calls me up saying mean things) and so much more of that. And because we don’t take action to make it stop, it keeps reappearing. At times, we have a negative focus that is so strong that it leads to attracting the same problems over and over again. Whilst there are often many different contributors towards addiction, it is fair to say that stress is one of the main driving causes, since it has predictable effects on the mind and brain. So, it’s still very fresh on my mind. I believe that every emotion, whether positive or negative, is valuable & should be experienced to the fullest. Meditation. god must hate me lol — Beerbongs & Bentleys (@PostMalone) September 7, 2018 But while Malone has been almost comically unlucky — his life was basically a Final Destination movie for a while there — I think we can all relate to the idea that bad things seem to happen all at once. Why do the same things keep happening over and over again? All Rights Reserved. Does it feel like the same destructive things keep happening, that you date the same people, leave jobs for the same reason? The pattern goes on and on and on. Now I am not superstitious, but it's beginning to get on my nerves. I'm really feeling bad lately and I don't know what to do anymore. , Trauma. , Mindfulness. On my way to LA, on the plane my family and I almost die. Absolutely nothing is going right for me in my life right now: My parents are getting divorced, my cat which I loved so so much died last week, my best friend of 14 years ended our friendship because her boyfriend told her to, my home life is bad. In Alice Miller’s terms, the trauma or core wounding has been listened to and understood, and so doesn’t need to push for expression any more in away that leads a person to repeat the same patterns over an over. Hmm… Interesting question. If you have this thought, then it protects you from being hurt and the pain from any more failed relationships. It wants to remain in charge. If that is the case, you may wonder, “How do I change this point of view?” Let’s again look at the question. However, a number of these reoccurring situations stood out to me and most definitely enlightened me. Thus, the fourth and final reason why bad things keep happening to you is: they aren’t, you just overlook the good. I almost did not take notice of the connotations and universal messages behind these life experiences, but it was only when I opened my Enchanted Remedy Facebook page that both my mind and spiritual awareness heightened. But since this false self is not your authentic self, all the decisions it makes are only based on what serve’s it’s own interests and not your true self’s. Being aware of it is useless advice since anyone who has found their way to this article already knows this pattern exists in their lives and wants to break it. Mindfulness can be a great way of tapping into these layers of the mind and body to see what is there, but there are also other forms of psychotherapy which aim to access and process unresolved trauma on a psychosomatic level. Repeating life patterns become a self fulfilling prophecy. Rather it is about digging into oneself and/or looking at the issue in a certain way that allows repeating life patterns to start to make more sense. There is a saying which goes: When we fall into patterns which we can’t seem to quantify or rationalise, perhaps this could relate to matters of the heart , we keep getting drawn and pulled to the same ways of dealing with a situation and this can sometimes happen over a few weeks or over decades. When the baby grows into an adult, however, it is many times smarter and stronger. Why do bad things keep happening to me? The Maxwell James Agency connects the best speakers with corporations, conferences, business symposiums / forums, as well as corporate retreats, annual events, and colleges/universities. When bad things happen to you, you have the right to feel angry, hurt, sad, and scared. I had always been caref… It's like I'm filled with bad luck I always feel bad, I feel angry,sad,depressed and defeated. It’s not because of me!, people ALWAYS treat me a certain way, these bad situations keep occurring over and over, no matter what I do” You can’t always see the full picture, when you’re inside the frame, and if the same situation keeps re-occurring, there will be a trigger to set that in motion.Even though you can’t see it, it doesn’t mean it isn’t there. I tell them to pay attention to it and address it. We get that not all people are into what they see as overly complex or “woo woo” explanations of why people recreate trauma in their lives. This is a common pattern in some people’s lives. Right now I feel like I am falling down a neverending hole and someone is throwing rocks at me. It is about venturing out into the unknown more and being familiar and comfortable with discomfort and change, and trying new ways of living and relating, even if it feels uncomfortable and perhaps generates anxiety at first. We cannot control what comes into our lives, but we sure can control how we deal with them. "Why do I keep entering unfulfilling relationships over and over again?" And while I worked like a maniac, it seemed to make no difference. You can search for an EMDR therapist in your area here. link to Stress, Addiction & Meditation - What's The Connection? What options are there to deal with this?eval(ez_write_tag([[250,250],'emdrhealing_com-medrectangle-3','ezslot_3',121,'0','0'])); There are lots of different ways of looking at this issue of self sabotage and the so called “repetition compulsion”. Despite their best intentions, they find themselves repeating the same patterns over and over again in jobs, relationships or something else. Then you are most definitely in the right place at the right time. In order to see real progress one must be willing to work whenever their is an opportunity. It may be a case of upgrading ones values and belief systems, embracing unfamiliarity and discomfort, becoming more self aware or tapping into unresolved trauma through meditation or other forms of psychotherapy. Either way, we can’t hide from lessons and instead of victimising ourselves, if we could further practice ways in which we can objectively understand the key messages and the stem of these patterns from past or present situations, then we should be on the right path towards fulfilling our life's purpose and gaining greater wisdom. Most of us simply prefer what is familiar to us, even if it ultimately doesn’t benefit us in moving forward in life. To restrain a baby elephant, circus trainers must chain it to a huge stake driven into the ground. I just couldn’t figure out why all these horrible things kept happening to me. For those people, a good explanation as to why people recreate the same patterns in relationships especially is simply that this pattern or way of living or relating is simply what they know how to do, so this is what they go back to, even if it keeps bringing negative results. Another explanation for repeating life patterns is indeed that trauma remains stuck in the body if unresolved and will push for expression in ways which lead a person to repeat the same patterns in their life over and over.eval(ez_write_tag([[250,250],'emdrhealing_com-leader-1','ezslot_1',115,'0','0']));eval(ez_write_tag([[250,250],'emdrhealing_com-leader-1','ezslot_2',115,'0','1'])); The brilliant psychologist Alice Miller sums up the reason for this, in that all trauma remains stored psychosomatically in the body: “If we do not work on all three levels — body, feeling, mind — the symptoms of our distress will keep returning, as the body goes on repeating the story stored in its cells until it is finally listened to and understood.”. I am often asked how do they make their situation improve. We are good people and try to do the right things to have a good life as a family. It was 430 pages, 200 pages lesser than my latest version! 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